My ‘her-story’ goes way back to my childhood; growing up I had a natural ability to write and draw; at school my two favourite subjects were English Literature and Art. But my God-given talents were never encouraged at home; I was made to feel as if I was ‘no good’ at anything! The negative comments I received made me lack confidence in my abilities; I used to screw up any piece of writing or art that I did, because I thought it wasn’t good enough. I thought I wasn’t good enough!
By my early twenties, I had stopped writing creatively, drawing and painting altogether. I chose a career that didn’t involve using my creative talents, and remained a blocked writer and artist for nearly 20 years.
My inner child was crying out to be heard, but I ignored her.
I was unfulfilled, and miserable.
But when my second son was born in 1995, I decided that the best thing for me to do would be to work from home. I wanted to do something creative, so I started the process of working on my Self; I began reading Self development books that helped me to grow in Self confidence, but the main book I credit with helping me to unblock as a Writer and Artist is ‘The Artist’s Way’ by Julia Cameron.
I didn’t just read the book, I did what it told me to do (it’s more of a workbook). I began with writing my Morning Pages (which I still do today), taking my inner child on our weekly ‘Artist Dates’, and getting to the root cause of my insecurities. Where was that critical voice in my head coming from that told me “You? An artist? (LOL)” or “You? A brilliant and successful writer? You could never amount to that!” I had to get to the root of where these voices were coming from, then counter-attack them with POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS like “I am a brilliant and successful artist”, “I have rich creative talents”, “I am confident and competent in my creative work”, “I trust my perceptions”….
It didn’t happen overnight, but in 2001 I started writing and recording my poetry: One of the first poems I wrote was ‘My Artist Child’ (inspired by the book). Then in 2008 I unblocked as an artist, and the first painting I did was of my inner child:
(inspired by the book: ‘The Artist’s Way’ by Julia Cameron)
At the time I wrote the poem ‘My Artist Child’ I was just beginning to allow my inner child the freedom she wanted to create. I had to learn how to ‘get out of the way’ as the adult, and allow her to express herself freely, whether it be writing, painting, singing, or dancing.
Since 2001 I’ve written and recorded over 26 poems; 13 are on my debut CD ‘Seeds of Love’, and the rest will be on my next CD ‘Rise of the Phoenix’. I also painted 11 paintings, and published 3 books (one being the Book of Lyrics to the CD!).
The thing I love most about my inner child is her ability to express herself freely, in a way that I as the adult wouldn’t dare to! I remember when I was writing my novel ‘Single, Spiritual…AND Sexual!’ I kept hearing that critical voice inside my head saying “You can’t write that!”, but I just stepped out of the way and allowed her the freedom to write whatever she chose to.
You’ve seen what children are like, haven’t you? They say things that can be quite embarrassing for the parent. They’d run around naked (if allowed). They aren’t Self-conscious. That’s what my inner child is like: Uninhibited! She writes in a way I wouldn’t dare to; adult stuff but with the innocence of a child (that’s my story and I’m sticking to it!)
After writing my novel, I felt compelled to write Part Two to ‘My Artist Child’:
My inner child is wild and free –
She has no boundaries!
When I decided to set her free
I KNEW it would cost me my privacy!
(And anyone who’s had anything to do with me,
So if that’s YOU – I’m sorry).
She sits in the seat of my subconscious mind
Observing all I’m doing
Then she turns my experiences into a song,
story, or poem!
Thanks to her, my life is an open book
Go on, open it, take a look!
And she’s left ME, the adult
To deal with all the DRAMA she creates
She doesn’t know WHERE TO DRAW THE LINE!
I know I should be embarrassed,
But to be honest,
All I keep seeing are £££££££££££’s…….. (pound signs!)
I used the painting of my inner child to illustrate Year Two of ‘Single, Spiritual…AND Sexual!’ This is where the main character discovered that her roots were actually in Africa, not the ‘West Indies’ as she’d been led to believe, and also where she inspired her partner to awaken his inner child!
If you haven’t read my novel yet, you can start the journey by reading Year One of FREE!
If you are interested in Poetry or Art Workshops with me, get in contact using the form below!
P.S. Some of my ORIGINAL PAINTINGS are on sale, go HERE for details!
Touching the Heart…through Art!
P.S. ‘The Story of My Inner Child’ also features on pages 32-33 of the latest issue of Conscious Vibes Magazine, dedicated to natural hair and fashion, check it out!
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